Ho’oponopono Helps with Grief

Ho what?

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian healing technique. All you have to do is say these four short statements:

  • I’m sorry.
  • Please forgive me. (I forgive you)*
  • I love you.
  • Thank you.

You repeat them over and over again.

It’s a powerful practice that can be used to heal all our relationships including those who have died.

Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?

I used this recently for my relationships with my parents.  Only I didn’t read the directions carefully. Instead of saying, “please forgive me”, I ended up including the statement, “I forgive you”.  While this wasn’t necessarily an authentic use of Ho’oponopono, it was was what I needed to say.*

On the morning of the third year anniversary of Mom’s death, I wanted to honor her in a special way. I held her parents’ mala beads in my hand as I repeated statements of love and gratitude over and over again. I felt my heart expand with love, joy and lightness.

A few days later, I was thinking about Dad.  He died 10 months ago.  I hadn’t had a sense of him and wanted to clear out any blocks on my end. I chose to use rosary beads to say these statements to Dad.  (He was a big fan of the Catholic rosary) As I worked my way around the beads, I said my variation of all four statements.  One bead per statement.  I paused when memories or emotions would surface.  Again, I felt my heart expand and was able to release some old resentments.

Why don’t you give it a try?

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me”  This helps with any regrets you might have after they die. Use this if you are bothered by thoughts like, “I should have________________”  or  “If only I’d ____________________________.

“I love you. Thank you.” Do you wish you’d told them more often?  You still can. Have you thought of things you’re grateful for that you didn’t think to say before they died? You can tell them now.

I liked using different prayer beads. If you don’t have prayer beads, you can use your fingers. If you don’t want to do that, just say the statements or your variations of them.


prayer beads



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